Who Shot Cock Robin?

     Robin Hood and his merry men were in Sherwood Forest, relaxing between robbing the wealthy and giving their ill-gotten gains to the poor. Robin Hood loved all the merry men, but he loved Little John most of all. Robin was 25, 6’4”and about 200 pounds. Little John was in his fifties, 5’5” and also about 200 pounds. They had developed a close emotional and physical bond with each other. He and Little John shared a tent, and spent many a night alone in the tent. Robin Hood had bestowed the nickname of Little John on John Coldiani as a joke. He knew full well that John had the largest dick in the forest from personal experience.

     Meanwhile, the Sheriff of Nottingham, who had allied himself with King Richard’s evil brother, Prince John, had been getting very rich while the King was away on a crusade. His only problem was that Robin Hood was constantly warring against his wealthier subjects and helping the peasants in his shire. He was seated around the fire with his main assistant, Sir Guy of Gisbourne.

     “Sir Guy, we’ve got to come up with a plan to rid us of Robin Hood! Without him, the merry men would drop like flies! They’d be like a ship without a rudder. But how?”

     “I have an idea, Sheriff! How about an archery contest?”

     “An archery contest? But Robin Hood’s the best archer in the kingdom! I’d never defeat him in an archery contest!”

      “You’re right, Sheriff. You’d never defeat him in a FAIR contest. But since when do we play fair? HAHAHAHA”

     “Even presuming we could defeat him by trickery, what prize would entice him?”

     “How about if both the loser and the loser’s second had to agree to be bound to the targets and slain by the bow of the winner and his second?”

     “He would never agree to such a wager!”

     “He would if he thought that it would allow him to rid the kingdom of you and me. He’s been wanting our deaths for some time. And to ensure he doesn’t back out, both sides can swear an oath by King Richard that they will fulfill the wager.”

     “And how are you going to ensure that you and I aren’t used for target practice?”

     “Trust me, sheriff! I have a perfect plan! Just put out the challenge!”

     The next day, Little John went for a walk in the forest. He had gone a short distance, when he found a note fixed to a tree by an arrow, with the Sheriff’s mark on it. He quickly undid the note, and read it. His jaw dropped at the contents, and he rushed back to share it with Robin Hood.

     “Robin! Read this! You’ve been challenged by the Sheriff!”

     “What? Let me see that!”

     The note read as follows: “To Robin of Loxley! I, the Sheriff of Nottingham hereby challenge you to an archery challenge! The contest shall be at noon one week from today. The loser and his second shall be bound to the targets and executed by the bows of the winner and his second. You may pick one second to accompany you to my castle. For my second, I choose the able Sir Guy of Ginsbourne! I promise you safe passage into my castle, and should you be fortunate enough to win, safe passage out of it. Here is your chance, Robin, to kill me, your mortal enemy. Have your answer affixed to the same tree by noon tomorrow, or I shall make this note public and tell the kingdom what a coward you are!”

     Little John and the other merry men spoke in unison and urged him to ignore the challenge. But Robin knew he could not afford to be branded as a coward, and asked Little John for paper and quill. Little John got them for him, but insisted that he be Robin’s second at the contest.

     Little John returned to the tree and left the note there, unaware that Sir Guy was watching him. As soon as Little John had left, Sir Guy grabbed the note, and hurriedly returned to the castle.

     “Sheriff, our plan is working like a charm!”

     “Our plan, Sir Guy? I think you mean MY plan!”

     “Of course, sheriff. How foolish of me!”

     “How wise, Sir Guy! Now give me Robin’s reply!”

     The sheriff opened the note and read, “Sheriff, it will be my pleasure to accept your challenge and rid the county and the world of your evilness. I choose Little John as my second. I trust your will is in order?”

     The sheriff threw the note down in a rage, and told Sir Guy, “You had better make sure we don’t lose!”

     “Don’t worry, sheriff! I have the perfect plan. You shall definitely win!” And Sir Guy proceeded to explain to the sheriff what he had planned.

     Robin Hood and Little John practiced their archery daily for the next week. They were determined to rid the country of the evil sheriff and his henchman. At night, they shared a tent and consummated their love for one another. They both agreed that their sex had never been better.

     A week later, at 11:30am, Robin Hood and Little John emerged from the forest, and approached the castle. The other merry men had begged to go with them, but Robin strictly forbade this! He was determined to defeat the sheriff and his henchman fair and square. The sheriff saw the two in their bright green garb, and ordered the drawbridge lowered, and he and Sir Guy went out to meet them.

     “Robin of Loxley, and Little John! So glad you could join us!” said the sheriff.

     “Shut up, Sheriff! The only reason I came is to enjoy the fear in your eyes as I use you and Sir Guy as human targets!”

      “Why, Robin, you cut me to the quick! But I’m not going to take offense. Join me in a toast to King Richard’s health!”

     “You’ve probably poisoned or drugged the wine! Never! Let’s head to the archery field!”

     “Still don’t trust me, my boy. Very well. Sir Guy shall pour out two glasses of wine, and I shall drink first. Sir Guy, if you please!” And Sir Guy poured out the two glasses. The sheriff took one, and heartily drank the contents. “To the health of King Richard! There, you see! No poison!”

     “Very well, to the health of King Richard!” and with that Robin downed his wineglass. Sir Guy collected the glasses and the party of four headed for the archery field. The terms of the contest were that each man would have five shots at the target, and to prevent the seconds from interfering, it was decided that each man would bind the other’s second in sturdy oak chairs. Whoever won would then release his own second, and the two of them would first bind the loser’s naked body to one target, and then they’d carry the chair with the bound second out to the other target. Once there, they’d first loosen that second’s arms, before re-securing them to the top of the target, then do the same with the legs. With the second securely bound, they would then cut away his clothing, leaving him naked as well.

     The sheriff allowed Robin to shoot first. His arrow flew straight and true and hit the bullseye of the target. The sheriff then took aim, and also made a bullseye.  Now, Robin took his second shot. It flew from the bow, but at the last second it curved. Robin couldn’t figure out why his arrow had not flown true. While it did hit the target, it wasn’t even close to the center. The sheriff then took his second shot, and while he too missed the bullseye, his arrow was much closer. So after 2 arrows, the sheriff had a lead of 1 ½ to ½.

     Robin suddenly felt hot and a bit tired, which he blamed on the sun overhead. He grabbed an arrow from his quiver, and strung it in his bow. He took a deep breath, and fired again at his target. His arrow once again looked on target, but at the last second it fell from it’s path, and barely hit the target. The sheriff then aimed at his target, and let his arrow fly. His flew true and hit the bullseye. After three arrows, the sheriff now had a lead of 2 ½ to ½.

     “My, my! The great Robin of Loxley is having trouble hitting the target! You know if I win the next arrow, or even the one after, that your life is forfeit. Give up now, admit defeat, and I’ll allow you and Little John to live.”

     “Never! Robin Hood never admits defeat! I’ll win the next two arrows, and the tie-breaking one as well!”

     “Very well, Robin, my foolish friend! I believe it is your shot.” Robin, although getting hotter and more disoriented by the minute, drew his bow back and let fly his fourth arrow. This one hit the target just outside the bullseye.

     “Well done, Robin. But when I hit the bullseye, you shall be my next target!” With that comment, the sheriff let fly, and his arrow approached the target. However, the sheriff knew that he couldn’t lose, so he intentionally let this arrow land harmlessly a few feet short of the target. “Well done, you’re now just one arrow down. This arrow will determine if we have a tie, and fire a sixth arrow, or if you lose and forfeit your young life.”

     Robin complained, “That sun is so hot! It has sapped my strength!”

     The sheriff replied, “Robin Hood is now making excuses? What a shame! I have not noticed the sun or its heat! Now stop delaying and fire your final arrow!”

     Robin felt very weak, but was determined to continue. He strung the bow, and let fly, but as he did, he felt his legs weakening, and his arm muscles didn’t have the usual strength as he pulled the bow. The arrow went on an erratic path and missed the target completely!  The sheriff then strung his bow, smiled at Robin, took aim and let fly his arrow. It was dead center in the bullseye! The sheriff had defeated Robin Hood by a count of 3 ½ to 1 ½!

     Robin hung his head in resignation as the sheriff and Sir Guy grabbed him and led him to a target. Since he was still weak, and getting weaker by the second, they had almost no resistance from Robin. They quickly stripped him of his green garb, including the green underwear. Sir Guy noted that while Robin’s aim with the arrow had not been true, his penis was pointing straight out! They then grabbed his arms and legs and fastened him to the target.

     Now they had to deal with Little John. He was quite a large man, and filled with rage at his and Robin’s impending deaths. He was kicking and struggling in the chair as the sheriff and Sir Guy carried it and him to the second target. Once there, Sir Guy quickly untied Little John’s arms. He held one in a vice grip, while he handed the other one to the sheriff, so that it could be secured in a restraint hooked on the target. Once that arm was secure, Sir Guy then locked the second arm to its restraint.

     With his arms secure, the sheriff and Sir Guy unfastened Little John’s legs from the chair, and re-secured them to leg restraints on the target. They then cut away Little John’s green clothing, leaving him naked. The sheriff and Sir Guy both marveled at the fully erect 10-inch dick with ostrich egg sized balls that Little John possessed.

    Right as they were preparing to get their bows, Robin Hood asked the sheriff, “How did you defeat me? I know you must have done something to the wine, but if you did, why did it not affect you as well?”

     “Robin, we did nothing to the wine. We did it to your wine glass, you young fool! We painted the inside of your glass with a mild sleeping draught. Totally invisible to the naked eye, but when the wine was added, it went back into solution, and left you in a drugged stupor. And now, once Sir Guy and I fill your bodies full of arrows, we and Prince John will be free to continue amassing great sums of wealth and power at the expense of the poor!”

     “You may have defeated me, but King Richard will return and stop your evil schemes. And the merry men are still free to fight you!”

     “As to King Richard, he is busy fighting crusades in the Holy Land, when he should be here. He will not return for many years, if at all. And you and Little John were the brains behind the merry men. Friar Tuck, Alan A Dale, and the others will be like a ship without its captain. We will pick them off one by one once the word of your defeat and death has been announced. But we delay, it is time to find new quivers for my arrows and those of Sir Guy!”

     With that, the sheriff let fly his first arrow, and watched as it struck Robin in his right thigh. Robin stifled a cry of pain. The sheriff and Sir Guy had planned to make Robin and Little John suffer for a long time before the fatal shot. Sir Guy now took aim at Little John. He aimed slightly higher, and his arrow skewered the left ball of Little John, who bellowed like a bull at the pain. His cock, which had been erect and proud, immediately went flaccid and limp.

     The sheriff now aimed a bit higher, and struck Robin’s left bicep, pinning it to the target. Robin tried not to cry out, but the pain was too great, and he let out a muffled yell.  Sir Guy aimed his second arrow at Little John, and drilled the arrow directly through his belly button. Little John felt like he’d taken a punch and it knocked the wind out of him. All he managed was a short “OOF!”

     The sheriff now aimed slightly lower, and his next shot skewered Robin’s erect cock and his balls! Robin screamed in pain and agony! Sir Guy decided to continue working up Little John’s body. His next shot was about an inch or two above the navel, and struck Little John solidly in his ample belly. Little John gasped, and his head started to droop.

          It was now time for the final two arrows for each man. The sheriff aimed at Robin, and his arrow struck the young archer in the throat, instantly rendering Robin mute as blood poured from the wound, mixing with the blood from the other wounds. Sir Guy could not resist the massive target of Little John’s chest, and sent his next arrow into his right breast, puncturing the lung and causing Little John great difficulty in breathing. The sheriff then drew his final arrow, looked at Robin, and said, “It’s time to die, Robin of Loxley! Any final words?” But with his voice box destroyed, Robin couldn’t reply. The sheriff drew back, fired his arrow, and it hit Robin on the left side of the chest, skewering his heart and ending it’s beating forever. Robin slumped down, dead in his bonds.

     Sir Guy then told Little John, “It’s time to join your leader and lover in death! Have you any last words?”

     Little John struggled to speak, weakened by the collapsed lung, but managed to turn toward Robin and tell his corpse between gasps of pain, “Robin, I love you and you’re the best archer England ever saw. It’s an honor to die with you!”

     Sir Guy said, “How touching!” and let fly the fatal arrow, which split the left chest of Little John open, and found a home in his heart! Little John gave a final gasp, and sagged dead in his restraints.

     The sheriff and Sir Guy approached the bodies, and checked to be certain that both men were dead. Once they were satisfied of their demise, they redressed the bodies in their garb, and locked them into gibbets, which were hung from the tower of the castle. Thus, they informed the entire kingdom that Robin Hood and Little John were dead, and left the bodies to rot and be eaten by the crows.