He Knows When You've Been Naughty!

     Santa and his elves were busy at his workshop at the North Pole. Some were busy making sure that the sleigh and reindeer were all prepared and ready for the big trip on Christmas Eve, while others were busy putting final touches on all the toys, and still others were getting the Christmas Tree ready for its lights and ornaments. One elf working on the toys was an ambitious young elf named Tommy. It’s not common knowledge, but elves come in all sizes. Tommy was 6’4” and 200 lbs with brown hair and hazel eyes. He was a feast to behold in his red and green elf suit.

     Tommy had been waiting to move up to head elf for some time. The job was currently held by another elf named Billy, who was 5’8” and 160 lbs with blonde hair and blue eyes. Besides an increase in pay, and a nicer cottage to live in, the head elf got to take the sleigh and reindeer out for training flights to make sure that everything was ready for Santa’s big Christmas Eve flight. Also, the other elves held the head elf in high esteem, and Tommy wanted the adulation that came with the job. The problem was that he hadn’t figured out how to get Billy fired so that he could have the top job.

     As he continued to work, Tommy was still trying to figure out how to get Billy’s job. He looked up from the toy train he was assembling, and saw first Santa and then Billy leave the room. Curious, he turned to the elf next to him and said, “Hey, Robbie, I need to go use the bathroom. Can you cover for me for a few minutes?”

    “Sure, Tommy! I love working on trains. But hurry back; I’m supposed to go help some of the other elves decorate Santa and Mrs. Claus’ tree.”

     “No problem! I’ll be back in less than five minutes.” With that, Tommy scampered off to see where Billy and Santa had gone.

     Tommy was walking down one of the halls of the workshop, and passed a room with the door barely ajar. As he passed, he heard heavy breathing and moaning from the room. He decided to listen in through the crack in the door.

     “Oh, Santa! That feels so good! Who’d believe that you’re so good in the bedroom! Oh, yeah! Fill up my stocking, Santa Baby!”

      “Why, I know that voice! That’s Billy!” thought Tommy. “I’ve got to see what’s going on.”

     Tommy looked through the keyhole, and saw Santa and Billy, both naked and laying in bed. Santa was on top of Billy, and was fucking him madly.

     Tommy said to himself, “This is perfect! Now I’ll get that head elf job. I’ll use my video camera and videotape the jolly old elf and Billy! Once I show it to Santa, he won’t have a choice!”

     Tommy held his video camera up to the keyhole, and for the next 15 minutes he recorded the sex liaison between Santa and Billy. He heard Billy scream in ecstasy as Santa filled him with his cum.

     “Billy, we’ve been gone for almost 30 minutes. We better get cleaned up and back to work before Mrs. Claus comes looking for me.”

     “Yes, Santa. But how I wish I could share your bed every night. You really know how to treat an elf.”

     “Thanks, Billy, but you know that’s not possible. Santa has to have a Mrs. Claus. But we’ll always have this room.”

     “I know. And you’re right. We do need to get back. That elf Tommy always slacks off when I’m not around.”

     “Yes, I’ve noticed that too! We’ll have to deal with him one of these days.”

     Tommy thought, “Yes, Santa, you will indeed have to deal with me, and very soon too! Now that I know he’s bi, I want part of my deal to be replacing Tommy in his bed too!”

     As Santa and Billy were dressing, Tommy headed back to the main workshop, and on the way he checked the video camera footage. It was perfect! It had picked up everything!

     As Tommy arrived back at his station, Robbie confronted him. “Tommy, where have you been? I told you I had to go up to the house and help the others decorate the Claus’ tree!”

     Tommy looked at him dismissively and said, “Sometimes it takes longer! Now run along, little Robbie! Maybe Mrs. Claus will give you some milk and cookies!”

     Robbie stormed off, and Tommy began working on the train set again, looking up briefly when Santa and Billy returned to the room. Billy looked over and noticed that there had been almost no progress on the train while he and Santa had been away from the room.

     “Tommy, what’s going on? I left here 30 minutes ago, and you still haven’t gotten that caboose painted! Do I need to baby-sit you?”

     “Don’t worry, Billy! I’ll fix your little red caboose!”

     “Oh, you think you’re funny, Tommy! Well, let’s just see how funny Santa finds it! I told him we’d need to take care of you!”

     “That you will, Billy, that you will. Just not in the way you think you will”, said Tommy with an evil grin.

     Billy stormed off and told Santa about his encounter with Tommy. Santa told Billy to bring Tommy to his private office, so that he could handle the problem.

    Billy returned to the main workroom, found Tommy and ordered him to accompany him to Santa’s office.

   “Are you sure that’s wise, Billy? I wouldn’t do it if I were you!”

   “Tommy, you’re in enough trouble already, now LET’S GO!”

    “You’re the boss, Billy”, Tommy replied. Then he added under his breath, “For now!”

    They arrived at Santa’s office, and greeted Santa as they arrived.

    “Tommy, I hear you’re being insubordinate to Billy, and slow in doing your work. You know the children are counting on all of us to pull together and make their Christmas merry. Now, what can I do to change your behavior?”

     “That’s easy, Santa. I want to be the head elf, be the one who tells the other elves what to do, and the one to test-drive your sleigh and reindeer.”

     Santa looked at Tommy in disbelief. “You know that Billy is the head elf. He’s been loyal to me for years. Why would I fire him and replace him with you, a lazy elf?”

     “Santa, have you watched any good movies lately? Let’s get some popcorn and watch one, shall we!”

     “Tommy, what are you talking about? Your job’s on the line, and you want to watch a movie!”

     “It’s a home movie, Santa. I call it BI-BI-SANTA!” And with that, he hit play on his video camera and projected the film onto the wall of Santa’s office.

     Santa and Billy both turned pale as they watched the film of them having sex. The rosiness totally faded from Santa’s cheeks. Both men knew that the film must never see the light of day. Santa was the first to regain his composure.

     “OK, Tommy. What do you want?”

     “That’s more like it, Kris. You know what I want. The job of head elf and all the perks that come with it.”

     “And if I don’t agree?”

     “Well, Kris, then I’m afraid that this hot little movie will have another showing, for Mrs. Claus!”

     “Very well, Tommy. You’ll be the new head elf, in charge of all the other elves and get to test-drive my sleigh.”

     “I said all the perks, Santa! Once you fire Billy here, you’re going to need a new bed partner. I want that position too.”

     Billy looked at Santa and said, “Kris, you can’t do this. If you agree to this, the greedy bastard will just make more and more demands.”

     “Billy, we have no choice. I’m sorry, but you’re fired. Tommy, I’ll agree to your demands. Come up to my house at 9pm tonight. Mrs. Claus won’t be home. She’s taking the female elves out for a Christmas party. She won’t be back before morning. There’s a special installation ceremony when you become head elf. But you have to bring your camera with you. I want that film.”

     “I’ll be there, Santa. But I’m not bringing the camera. That’s my insurance policy.”

    “Very well. Like I said, I have no choice. Now GO! I’ll see you at 9pm sharp! Don’t be late!”

    “Oh, don’t worry, Mr. Claus. I wouldn’t miss that for the world! Billy, I told you you’d regret bringing me to Santa.”

     Tommy left the room, and went back to the workshop. He actually worked harder than he ever had, and the other elves were puzzled both at his energy and at the wry smile that repeatedly crossed his lips.

     “Santa, have you lost your mind! He’ll bleed you dry for all eternity!”

     “Billy, do you remember when I named you as head elf?”

     “Yeah.”

     “Do you recall the ceremony for your installation?”

     “There wasn’t one, Kris!”

     “That’s right, Billy!”

     “Kris, what are you gonna do?”

     “You’re still my head elf. We’re going to take care of Tommy permanently. Now, at 9pm, I need you to go to Tommy’s cottage. Here’s the key, I have keys to all the elves cottages in case of emergency. Once you’re in the cottage, turn it upside down if you have to, but FIND THAT CAMERA! Once you have it, bring it to my house.”

     “But how are you gonna take care of Tommy? He’ll be livid when I show up at your house.”

     “You just leave that to dear old Santa. He’ll be no further problem to either of us.”

     With that, Billy left the office, still unsure of what Santa would do, but strangely at ease that Santa would indeed fix the problem that was Tommy.

     That evening at 8:45pm, Tommy left his cottage and headed over to Santa’s house. He was so preoccupied wondering what kind of ceremony would be used for his promotion that he didn’t even see Billy hiding in the bushes as he left. Billy remained hidden until 9pm, and then went up to Tommy’s cottage and used the key Santa gave him and unlocked the door.

     Billy went inside, and waited while his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Like all elves, he had excellent night vision, and had no reason to draw notice to his presence by lighting one of the lamps. He looked around, and was soon rewarded when he spied a camera case on the dining room table. He quickly unzipped it, and hit the “play” button on the camera. A few seconds, and he was sure that it was the right camera and video.

     “Oh, Tommy! Don’t you know overconfidence can be fatal? How stupid to leave it out in plain sight!” And with that, Billy exited the cottage, locking it behind him.

     Meanwhile, Tommy, unaware that Billy had found the camera, had arrived at Santa’s house. He rang the bell and was ushered in to the living room by Santa.

     “Ah, Tommy! Right on time! I do admire punctuality!”

     “Yeah, no problem, Kris. Hey, that’s a nice tree the elves set up!”

     “Yes they did a good job. But let’s continue into the kitchen. It’s much more intimate.”

     “Well, what’s this ceremony? Will it take long? I need to get some sleep before I start as head elf in the morning.”

      “Don’t worry, Tommy. It’ll be over before you know it. And besides, I thought you wanted to share my bed, too. I thought you could sleep here tonight.”

     “Sleep here? Sleep in your bed with YOU? That would be great, Santa!”

     “Good, then it’s all settled! Have some milk and cookies! Mrs. Claus made them for her party, but she forgot them when she left.”

     “Won’t she come back for them?”

     “No, she already called me. She said that I could have them as a snack. She knows how much I LOVE milk and cookies, especially gingerbread cookies.”

     “OKAY, I’d love some. Thanks.”

     With that, Santa produced two glasses of milk, and two plates of cookies. Tommy greedily wolfed down the cookies on his plate and his glass of milk. He didn’t notice that Santa was watching him intently. A few minutes later, his eyelids began to droop, and he had to shake himself awake.

     “Hey, Santa, maybe we better do that ceremony soon. I’m getting pretty sleepy!”

     “That’s not unusual. The same thing happens to me when I have milk and cookies. I tell you what, wait in here while I go in the next room to set up for the ceremony. I’ll be right back!”

     “OKAY” replied Tommy groggily.

      Santa walked into the next room. “The plan’s working perfectly! The fool didn’t even suspect that his milk and cookies were drugged! Now to set up for his so-called ceremony!”

      Santa had walked into his front room and was once again looking at the Christmas tree. Tommy hadn’t noticed it, but there was a rope ending in a noose hanging on the rear side of the tree. The tree was 10 feet tall, but the noose was hanging barely 7 feet from the base. “Oh, yes, this will do nicely! Now to get Tommy ready for the ceremony.”

     Santa went back into the kitchen and saw Tommy sound asleep with his head on the table. Santa got quickly to work, and bound Tommy’s hands behind him, and then bound his ankles together. Just as he finished, he heard a noise from the living room.

    “Oh, good! Billy’s back! Good thing I gave him my spare key so he wouldn’t make noise ringing the doorbell.”

    Santa hurried back to the living room. “Billy, do you have the camera?”

    “Right here, Santa. Where’s the guest of honor?”

     “He’s kind of tied up right now, and sleeping like a baby! Come and take a look!”

     He led Billy into the kitchen and there was Tommy sleeping and bound.

    “Great work, Kris, but how are we gonna get rid of the greedy bastard permanently?”

    “We’re going to hang him!”

    “But where? We don’t have a gallows!”

    “We’re gonna hang him from the Christmas tree! The noose is hidden on the rear side of the tree. You know no one ever looks there.”

     “But how will we get rid of the body? Mrs. Claus will be back in the morning.”

    “There’s a deserted island just south of here. The only occupant is a very large, 12-foot tall hungry polar bear. We’ll take out the sleigh once he’s dead, and drop his body off there. That bear won’t even leave any bones!”

     “But what if there are bones left?”

     “Billy, you have to trust Santa more than that! Tommy has a canoe he uses in the spring for fishing. We’ll take it on the sleigh and drop it in the water just off the island. Then, if there are any questions, the elves will just think that Tommy was out fishing, got lost, and landed his canoe on the one island where that bear lives. It will be put down to a tragic accident!”

     “So when are we gonna have Tommy’s “ceremony”?”

     “Right now! Let’s get our guest ready before he wakes up from the drugged milk and cookies! You take his feet, and I’ll grab his shoulders.”

     Santa and Billy grabbed Tommy and carried the still sleeping elf to the living room. They then laid him on the sofa while they rotated the Christmas tree so that the noose was now on the side facing the center of the room. Once that was done, they took Tommy and stood him on a stool under the noose. Billy placed the noose around Tommy’s neck, and then stood behind Tommy to support him. He and Santa didn’t want Tommy to hang until he had regained consciousness.

    They didn’t have to wait long. About a minute after Tommy had been noosed, he began to stir. He went to wipe the sleep from his eyes, only to find that his arms were restrained.

    “Hey, what the fuck’s going on? Santa, why are my arms bound!”

     “It’s part of the ceremony, Tommy!”

     “Ceremony, what kind of head elf ceremony requires me to be bound?”

     “Oh, it’s not the head elf ceremony, in fact there isn’t a ceremony for that. It’s so you won’t struggle as we hang you, you naughty elf!”

     “Hang me! You can’t hang me! I’ll ruin you, Claus! You and Billy will both be exposed! Remember, I have the video of you and Billy! I left instructions that if anything happens to me, then it goes straight to Mrs. Claus!”

     “Oh, dear! And who did you leave the instructions with, dear boy?”

     “No one. But when my cottage is searched, the camera will be on the table, and a note right next to it with the instructions.”

     “Dear me, Billy! What should we do now?”

     “Hang the greedy bastard, Santa!”

     “But if we do that, the video goes to my wife and we’ll both be ruined. Think of all the poor children!”

     “Santa, I got you your present, just like you asked me to.”

     “Well, it’s not Christmas yet, but let’s open it now.”

     Santa takes the package from Billy.

    “Let’s read the card first. Billy, will you do the honors.”

    “If someone is reading this note, it means that something has happened to me. Please give the camera beside this note to Mrs. Claus. Signed, Tommy.”

    “Oh, and look, Billy. It’s a camera. Just what I’ve always wanted! But it looks like someone’s recorded something already on the memory card. Let’s play it. Oh, it’s a boring movie called Bi-Bi Santa! Billy, please toss this in the fireplace!”

    “And now, what were you saying again, Tommy?”

     Tommy’s face had turned ashen as he watched the flames devour his memory card. He knew that he had lost all his leverage. “Please, Santa. It was all a joke! I’ll go back to work, and work twice as hard as before! I’ll be good, Santa! Please don’t hang me!”

     “I’m afraid I can’t take that chance, Tommy! You’ve shown that you can’t be trusted!”

     “But you’re Santa! You can’t hang me! It goes against all you stand for!”

     “Tommy, Tommy, Tommy! You know I’m famous for giving lumps of coal. Well, in special occasions, like this, where the very future of Christmas is at stake, I can and do hang naughty elves who threaten that. Besides, why are you complaining? You got part of what you asked for!”

     “What are you talking about?”

     “You said you wanted to replace Billy in my bed. Well, face it, Tommy; you’ve just been fucked by Santa! HOHOHO!”

     “That’s not what I meant!”

    “I’m well aware of that, you traitor!”

    “But how will you explain my disappearance?”

    “You know that island with the 12 foot polar bear, Desperation Island?”

    “The one you always warn the elves to avoid?”

    “That’s the one. I’m afraid you’re going fishing. You’ll get lost, and pull into a bay by an island. Sadly for you, it will be Desperation Island. I doubt they’ll find much of your body left!”

     “Please, Santa! Do anything, banish me, but not this! I want to live!”

     You should have thought about that when you tried to blackmail me. Now, Tommy, it’s time to hang!” And with that, Santa grabbed the stool and pulled it out from under Tommy. Poor Tommy didn’t get a drop at all, so the tips of his elfin boots were still almost a foot off the floor. He began twisting and struggling in vain attempts to loosen the unforgiving noose and get life-saving air into his starved lungs. He tried to cry out in protest, begging to be spared, but the noose prevented any intelligible sounds from coming out.

    “Hey, Santa. Listen to the lovely sound Tommy’s making.”

    “Yes, Billy! It’s from the jingle bells on his collar. HOHOHO!”

    “Good one, Santa! Hey, let’s show Tommy what he’s missing!”

    “Billy, are you suggesting that I fuck you right in front of our guest?”

    “I guess it is a bad idea!”

    “Bad? I love it!” And with that they both stripped and Santa began fucking Billy’s ass right in front of Tommy, although he was so busy struggling and trying to breathe that it’s doubtful he even noticed, let alone cared.

     Tommy’s struggles continued, and after about 5 minutes, his lips started to turn a lovely shade of blue. About a minute later, Santa came inside Billy, who also shot his load off. Billy’s load landed on Tommy’s struggling body adding white spots to the red and green costume.

     Billy looked up, and said “Santa, look at Tommy! His hips are gyrating like crazy! Look at the size of his dick as it strains under his tights.”

    “Yes, Billy. That’s the sad part. Tommy was so handsome, and I’ve noticed his package. Many was the night I wanted to unwrap it. It’s a pity he was so greedy!”

     “Santa, look at that white stain! Looks like Tommy just had his final cum shot. It looks impressive. Too bad we didn’t hang him naked.”

    “Yes, Billy. Make a note of that. Next time we need to hang a naughty elf, we strip him first.”

    “Hey, Santa. He’s watering the tree. Look at that river of piss going down his right leg.”

    “Yes, it won’t be long now, Billy. Look! His tongue is protruding between his blue lips. It’s hard to see because it’s blue too. And his struggles are slowing too. I’d say Tommy’s almost done.”

    Right then, Tommy gave a shudder, and became still. Also, a noxious odor filled the room.

    “Oh, Santa. What’s that smell? Is Tommy dead?”

    “Just like humans, when an elf dies it voids not only its bladder, but its bowels too. Yes, Billy, Tommy’s dead.”

    “But, Santa, he just jerked again. Are you sure he’s dead?”

    “Yes, Billy. Those are just involuntary contractions of the body. Look at his hands. See how blue they are? That’s the blood pooling in the extremities. Now go get the sleigh ready. We leave for Desperation Island in an hour. And remember to get his canoe.”

     “Why are we waiting an hour, Santa?”

     “It will take a while to get it ready. Plus, leaving Tommy up there for an hour will ensure he’s beyond all help.”

     “Are you gonna clean him up?”

     “No, we’ll leave him dirty and smelly. That will ensure that the polar bear takes the meat.”

    “Good idea, Santa”

    An hour later, Billy returned and told Santa everything was ready. He and Santa took Tommy and the noose down from the tree. They laid his body on some plastic sheeting while they cleaned up all the evidence. Then they took the body, and put it into the canoe in the back of the sleigh. Santa took the reins, and in no time they had landed on the cove at Desperation Island. Billy put the canoe in the water, and Santa dragged Tommy’s corpse onto the shore, and left it there. They then jumped back in the sleigh and as they took off, they heard the distant roar of the polar bear. Santa circled the island, and saw the bear approach the body, and was elated when he saw the bear take Tommy in his mouth and begin eating him. They then headed back to the North Pole to celebrate.