Monday, June 29, 2015

Death Of A Sagger



My name is John Coldiani. I live alone in the country on a farm with my only daughter, Nichole, a beautiful young 26-year-old girl with brown hair and eyes like me. Nicky’s a big help around the farm, especially with our cornfields. I love her, and have always looked forward to the day when I could retire and Nicky would take over and run the farm with her husband and children by her side. The problem is that Nicky seems to always pick losers, young men more interested in getting control of my farm and money and just use Nicky as a means to their end.

     One evening, I’m unable to sleep, worried about the corn crop. We don’t have a scarecrow, and the crows have been decimating the crop. Suddenly, I hear a noise like a scratching sound at the front door. I go to investigate, and the door opens. There’s a thin young man about 27 years old wearing an Adidas ball cap, Nike jacket, white t-shirt and Nike track pants inside the room, closing the door. As he turns to face me, I draw my gun and order him to kneel with his hands in the air. It’s then that I notice he has a gun tucked inside his pants.







     I tell him to lace his hands behind his head. Since I have the drop on him, he has no choice other than to comply.






     “OK, punk! Who the hell are you, and why are you coming armed into my house?”

     “I’m called Tend, and I’m your daughter’s boyfriend. I have to sneak in to see her, since you didn’t know she was seeing me, and since my family’s so poor, we knew you wouldn’t approve.”

     “You’re lying! You broke in here to rob us!”

     “Sir, I’m sorry Nicky didn’t tell you, but she and I ARE lovers! By the way, where is Nicky?”

     “She’s upstairs in her room. She hasn’t slept well lately, so she took a sleeping pill. That’s probably why she didn’t hear the noise you made breaking in to my house. Now don’t move. I’m going to lift up your jacket and t-shirt. I need to make sure you don’t have any other weapons, asshole!”






     While I still can’t stand the little fucker, I can see why my daughter might like him. He does have a nice chest and abs. The little fucker must work out; too bad it’s all going to go to waste! Then I make a mistake. I turn to walk back as I decide what I’m going to do to him. Suddenly, I hear a sound behind me. The fucker’s sprung to his feet, and he has his gun in his hand!





     What the kid doesn’t realize is that I’m a crack marksman. I aim, fire and shoot the gun out of his hand and it lands harmlessly about 20 feet away from him. I angrily order him to kneel with his hands above his head. I point my gun at his crotch, and tell him if he tries anything else, I’m going to turn him into a eunuch!






     He promises not to try to escape, and begs for his young life. I order him to his feet, and march him into the living room, where I handcuff his hands behind him and then force him to lie face-up on a sofa.





     I pull his track pants down a bit, exposing that he’s wearing a pair of Dri-pit white boxers with a pink stripe running down the side. Damn, he’s got a cute innie! Lucky for him that I’m not a faggot! He sure is cute! But I won’t have him marrying my little girl! He’s way too poor for her! I recognize him as a young man from the wrong side of the tracks. If he married Nicky, he’d blow through her money so fast her head would spin and then he’d dump her. I know this type! They’re no good! So Tend has to go. I just have to decide how I’m going to do it! 



     I order him into the bathroom, still cuffed and with his pants still partly down. When we get inside I close the door, and remove the handcuffs, keeping him covered the entire time. I order him to turn sideways with his hands spread apart.





    
     Damn, the fucker’s cute! Would you look at that tit? Oh, hell. He’s babbling like a baby!

     “Please, Mr., Coldiani! I don’t want to die. I’ll break up with Nicky, I’ll move away! PLEASE!! I’m barely 27. I haven’t begun to live yet!”

     “You damn fucker! You probably enticed my little girl! You don’t love her, you just want her money! Now put those hands behind your back! And you may as well say your prayers, boy!”

     “I’m putting my hands behind me. See how well I’m obeying you! Please, let me go!”





     Damn, the little fucker’s got two nice tits. And look at that six-pack! Damn shame he’s a useless piece of garbage! All that work in the gym making his body so sexy and hard, and he’s about to find out that all the muscles in the world can’t stop a bullet.


     “You ready to die, fucker?”

     “No! PLEASE! Oh, Nicky, why did you have to take those sleeping pills tonight?”

     I ignore his piteous pleas, and force him over in front of the tub. As he’s standing facing me, with tears streaming down his face, I shoot him multiple times in the face. He topples into the tub, with blood and brain matter splattering on the tile wall. I can see he’s not quite dead, so I take my gun, aim and fire a final shot into his chest. It lodges in his heart, killing him instantly.







     The fucker’s dead and since I used a silencer, my daughter never heard a thing. Now, I need to dispose of the body. Then an inspiration hits me. I’m an avid hunter, and have learned taxidermy so well that other farmers bring their kills to me to stuff. I quickly take Tend’s body out to my private workshop in the barn. There I work my magic, and stuff and preserve his body. The jacket has bullet holes, so I re-dress him in an old hoodie I have lying around. I then take the stuffed body out to my cornfield. I put him on a pole, and think I’ve never seen such a great scarecrow. 




     Actually, Tend’s new role as a scarecrow works in more than one respect. First, the crows leave my fields, and my corn crop has never been larger. Second, naturally, I had to let Nicky know, since she was sure to recognize her lover. I told Nicky that even preserved; the elements would probably destroy our new scarecrow in about 5 years. A few months later, she married a nice young man, Robert Franklin. On the day they married, I took Robert into the cornfield, showed him my scarecrow and promised him that if he ever cheated on or hurt my little girl, that he would replace Tend in the field.

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